Thursday, January 31, 2008

deer vrs the terminator

har har har! i found one!

wow am i both happy and surprised and a bit ... sad i guess. as a part of me needs to die to get better.

some times when i watch those african nature shows where the whatever runs after a whatchamacalit and they run and run... i am always hoping the whathcamacalit gets away. i guess i dont like to see things get ran down and eaten. an honest dual however - thats ok. if both want to fight just fine. go at it.

and. here is my break through.

i am going to try in my spare minutes here and there to get my rating at CTS up a bit. just for fun. i have a provisional otb rating of about 1260ish something. i feel of course it really should be about 1998. maybe 1997 on a bad day. you know, one big win from 2000! and champagne!!! and hot chicks!!!!! and... and... late night with dave letterman and tv commercials, more hot chicks!!!!

ok, but its not really 1998 or even 1997 yet.

and here is part of the problem. i dont like to see innocents killed. especially if its not a fair fight.

a pawn fork is awesome. its the little guy throwing up two middle fingers, one to each side. waaaahoooo take that biatches!

horseys are pretty much the next weekest peice. but they fork pretty good and its fun. bishops... not as much fun, but ok. rarely do i rook fork, queens of course all the time. but then its more contempt when i do that. like. come on you didnt notice i still have a queen, you think you might have looked for hanging peices.

then the clever stuff i like. the... umm... well smoothered mate and other trickyness to make me feel all clever.

and i was playing on CTS, you know i think i have solved almost 300 problems!!! i would like to get my rating to 1500. *shrug* i dont know.

and just before i started, like i was saying in the last post, i talked to the little guy in the celler of my being. *maybe* the subconscence? i dont know what you would call it. i call it jerry. he says no. call me something else. but... hasnt said what yet. so, until that time... he is jerry. so jerry said, "yeah, on it bud" when i asked him to keep a lookout for anything unusual while i was busy failing the problems.

after doing maybe 30-40 today it came to me. ( which is what people say when their jerrys are giving them info ) jerry said: "you dont like to see the little guy get beat up by a couple of bigger guys."

and i stopped. and wrote this. because i dont want to forget it.

"whatchamean?" i asked jerry.

"what i farkin just told you. tard." jerry is not an a-hole, just... not really happy with word games. but thats another story.

so, since jerry knew all about what was going on. and i am afterall jerry. i just sat for a bit so that the idea could become words and i could store it as a rule. and i am planning on implementing that rule and hopefully it becomes habit or maybe an acquired motor skill or somesuch.

i had just failed a problem. and jerry said that was the THIRD time today i failed the same type of problem. a bishop had just moved to a square and there were no queens on the board. as in the other two problems. and i looked furiously for the fork to kill it. none. then the other peices, nope. king was out of reach. gads.... tick tick tick. fark! fark! fark! fail. bad luck. more like bad move, not luck. no luck really in chess. well, luck means you moved better than you thought you could. or the other guy moved worse than you thought he would. the more i practice the luckier i get! well. anyway. back to the problem.

i clicked the "show the stupid answer since i am too stoooopid to figure it myself" link. and it showed the answer, just like the other two times. and this is it:

double up the attack on the now pinned bishop.


easy, but not nice. the poor defenseless bishop. sitting there, just munching on some praire grass, not hurting anyone, soft little bishop fur blown by a gentle breeze from the west. ahh... munch... just happy happy little cute bishop. and the computer wants me to SMASH THE LIVING CRAP out of it. with two HULKING saliva dripping ROOKs. no emotions. just DEADLY KILLING MACHINES BENT ON TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THE WEAK.

disgusting. i felt like vommiting.

cant we just let the bishop go? like its hurting anyone anyway? it doesnt even CARE about the dark squares. i mean come on.

i avoid that pressing overloading over and over. i know it now. i sometimes load up on a pinned piece in a game. but only to draw defenders away from what i really want. and its not the pinned poor piece. i know this now. i let that one go more often than not. a free peice!

i think, its not its fault. its the kings fault. he is the one placing you in danger poor little pawn. dont worry, i just want you to bring your friends from the king. i will get him not you. sorry to scare you little guy!

so i need to change my thinking on this. after all when i go kill the king the whole set of peices die. all of them. struck down whether a rook lounging on the first rank with his feet up and the tv on, or a set of pawns busy holding hands in the middle of the board. or a knight on some secret glamorous and dangerous mission. so i guess they are dead in the end anyway.

sarah connors?

duh-duh-duh, duh-duh, ta-duh!
duh-duh-duh, duh-duh, ta-duh!
duh-duh-duh, duh-duh, ta-duh!
duuuh - duuuuh - duuuh.... dut-da-tah. DUHHH, DUHHH, DUH!
duh-duh-duh, duh-duh, ta-duh!
duh-duh-duh, duh-duh, ta-duh!

i'll be back...

duh-duh-duh, duh-duh, ta-duh!


Hank said...

Ono! Now you've got me thinking about pinned pieces as cute and helpless little prairie animals - how can I play attacking chess after that? :)

-- Hank

Glenn Wilson said...

The opponent's bishop is evil. Don't be fooled by it's innocent looks. If it had the chance it would kill your king. Don't listen to it's propaganda!

Sparfy said...

yes. i needed to make it easier for me to kill them! so now i know they are not being killed. only CAPTURED. heck, they might even get back in the fight before the end. and i would have to kill, errrr. CAPTURE them again. so its removing stress from their lives to take them out of a battle zone!! i am their saviour! thats it.

that and i now like to kill defenceless creatures, muahahahahahaaaaaaa!

transformation said...

welcome aboard!

warm regards from the pacific northwest,

and best of luck in your training, play, and sharing with the extended blog community thereof.

Sparfy said...

Thanks trans! :-)

Sparfy said...

heya trans - just looked at your profile thingy. you should try Bikering Yoga. its like normal but the temp in the room is 108 degrees and even your ankles sweat! its very very fun.

Chess Teacher said...

To speak with Aron Nimzowitsch:
A passed pawn is a criminal which should be kept under lock and key. Mild measures, such as police surveillance, are not sufficient.