Blithering

ok. i have been doing some thinking on getting better at chess. i have never been much of a student. actually i am a pretty bad student. i, hmm... for some reason i feel its somehow cheating to take lessons. i know i learn a lot, but there is something in me that says if i don't figure it out myself then i cant really take it to heart. feeling this way i taught myself to play softball, how to hit the darn thing really far. well. not always but plenty enough. and to hit a golf ball pretty well. also how to build a house, play guitar and bass and hockey. also pretty much taught myself how to write software. which is what i do when i am not building my house.

so... how hard could it be to learn to play chess better?

i have decided to learn how to learn to play chess better.

a while ago i wanted to write a science fiction story, its about 60% done now. but when i started i couldn't figure out where to start. what should i do first? so i asked a friend. she said "start at the beginning." seemed pretty good, and i was off and running on it, off and on of course or it would be done already.

where should i start learning how to learn how to play chess? the blogs i have been reading, and i have read plenty of pages so far have actually helped a lot. its a good set of people out there. :-)

when i was working on the house i had a friend help out for a while. sometimes he did the strangest ( to me ) things. things that seemed kinda weird to me. it brought back memories of myself a few years ago. i was at my wife's parent's house. they had a kids swing in the back yard - one of those metal monsters. the 6 legged thing with the swings and the slide. all from about 1972. and it was rusted all to fark. and they just got some new grand kids and the swing was getting upgraded. so we are sitting there. me, resa and mike who is resa's brother. he works construction. and we are sitting there and wondering how to get the old swing down. its just sitting there looking at us. and we are looking back at it. maybe a hacksaw i said. resa nodded. mike frowned. hmmm... maybe if we cut all the pieces up and then we could toss them into the back of the pickup. hmmm... so mike stands up and walks over to the swing. looks at it. hmmm... and grabs ahold of one of the metal poles and leans all his weight into it and over it goes. the rusty mess just collapses. and i remember thinking - hey you cant do that! you need to take it apart with tools and structure. but he just thought: Farkit. its going over. and it did. what a change this made in me. wow. just knock the farkin thing on its ass. easy. so i ran with this. now we had the 2 foot deep cement blocks to get out of the ground. so i ran the truck over to it and chained them up and yanked them right out. no digging. easy.

chess.

must be in some way the same.

i think, i am certain, somewhere in my head is some little guy telling me. not shouting, just a certain know it all kinda condescending voice saying "you will see someday. its there. you can get it."

i believe i am REALLY close to this thing. but i don't know what it is. or. more likely i think, somewhere inside me i do know what it is. and i just have to let myself both believe and trust in that something. i have always picked things up fast. but not chess. as a child i was pretty talented if unschooled.

and...

and i just figured it. or... more likely it was just told to me by that little guy inside me. i have it.

just now. kinda cool :-)

effort.

*shrug*

i don't try hard enough at those things i feel i can do naturally. i try hard at hockey because i am big and slow. but i don't try to hard at softball which i am much better at because i am big and somewhat strong. selected effort in those places where i know i need it. less where i don't need it.

ha. wonderful. i knew i was close when i started this, the reason for writing it was i thought it would come out and it did. all very clearly therapeutic. cathartic. cool.

now... whether to upload this. heh. seems like i will be embarrassed to see it up on the page. but what the heck. maybe someone will learn something of themselves from reading this. plus! i think only 3 people have ready any of the others anyway, you guys are pretty cool :-)

i can always delete it later! at least i think.

getting wifed! time for bed.